Conversations around women’s participation in paid work and education are no longer alien. Nearly, every society and individual understands the importance of women’s labor force participation and girl child education. Even though, there remains a lag in addressing the equally critical issue of boys’ and men’s involvement in housework and childcare. Despite the progress in women’s inclusion, the concept of “sticky gender”—the deep-rooted cultural norms that maintain traditional gender roles, where men are viewed as breadwinners and women as homemakers—continues to shape social and family life in many contexts.
Women tend to be on the receiving end of the gender stickiness. They are saddled with the responsibility of cooking, cleaning, and catering to the children after their 9-5 while men tend to return home to relax and be catered to by their wives. This family life references Arlie Hochshild’s classic, The Second Shift, which was first published in 1989 and then, in 2012. One would assume that with the increased awareness about egalitarian family life and the change in women’s work, men would be fully ready to rise to the call of other aspects of the household. Interestingly, Hochschild’s discovery is still very relevant in the 21st century as a way to contextualize family life and relationships.
In dating conversations among millennials and Gen Zers, individuals are eager to ask each other, “What do you bring to the table?” The table would be expected to be filled with men’s capacity to work and breadwin and women’s ability to nurture, work, and provide. Young men discuss their desire for independent, self-sufficient, and hardworking women. But men hardly talk about their cooking and cleaning skills which are responsibilities that come with the desire to be married to working and professional women.
While we advocate for women’s labor force participation and girl child empowerment, we have failed to address the elephant in the room – “Who trains our men and boys?“
While we advocate for women’s labor force participation and girl-child empowerment, we have failed to address the elephant in the room: “Who trains our men and boys?” It equally seems like our men are unchanging and are still stuck in the past of being just the breadwinners without being active participants in the homefront and family. (This is not to say there are not men taking up unpaid work in the home.) This could be because they were not trained to or do not want to clean, cook, change diapers, or babysit. However, women are expected to know to contribute towards mortgage, phone bills, childcare fees, and school fees.
If we are realistic with ourselves, marriages or cohabiting relationships need two people working hand in hand since one person will be unable to shoulder the responsibilities of the domains of family life considering the challenges in modern family life. Making the family work means we both have an obligation and responsibility to contribute at all levels in the household. You are not helping him when you contribute to the mortgage or house construction cost, new car cost, or children’s school fees. He is also not helping you by tidying up the home, cooking, or prepping the kids for bed or school. We must begin to see the family from the lens of dual responsibility, co-partners, and co-owners. This will inform how we train our sons and daughters.
The next generation should not be concerned about gender roles but about living a full life in their marriages and relationships.
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